What if Bobby hired a lawyer? (Universe Alteration)
by son of Zebedee
Summary: During the episode '47 seconds' Beckett lets it out that she remembers Castle's declaration of love when she was shot. She doesn't know that Castle heard her. Rest of the season filled with Angst. Well what happens if the suspect, Robert Lopez (aka Bobby) asked for a Lawyer before Beckett says anything? Follows my take on altered events until early 'After the Storm'
1. At the Precinct

Inside interrogation room 1 Beckett tries to crack the suspected bomber, Robert Lopez, aka Bobby. She's alone as Castle is stuck reading all the witness statements. However she's in her element. People died for no reason, and she's out get justice for the victims. She's working Bobby over, has been for over 30 minutes now.

"Witnesses saw you drop the backpack."

"It wasn't mine." She got him, he admitted to having it.

"Oh so you admit to having it." She trapped him and now he'd have to start making new lies to cover the ones he already said. Bobby wasn't a planner, he was a pawn. And he'd break and give up who was really behind this mess. She just had to twist him enough to break.

"No, that's-that's not what I meant." Just a little more time and he'd break, like so many before him.'

"You just said it wasn't yours." He's about to break, he'll give it up; who behind all this, Bobby?

"Yeah, because you got me all confused with"

"Did you or didn't you have it?" She cut him off, trying to get him deeper into his lies, trapping him weaving his own web.

"I don't know." He's trying not to weave the web; she has to make him start up again.

"Who put you up to this Bobby? Who gave you that backpack?" Direct, he may not say it now, but he'll wear down, she can see it. He'll eventually say what he knows.

"I don't… I don't know. I don't remember!" He's trying to back away, not say anything that paints him into a corner. She can't let him. Too many families are relying on her to come through now.

"You don't remember." He's lying, she knows he is. He's scared, about to break, on the edge. A little more and she'll get what she needs. "How do you not remember?" She's got to push him further.

"I was in shock." Perhaps Bobby didn't know what he was doing when he was paid to place that backpack. He might be afraid, but she needs to make him more afraid of her. "The bomb went off." He's about to start another lie, "Everyone was running and screaming and" He's rambling and she needs to get him back on point.

"Okay, okay, so you remember what happened after the bomb went off but not before?" _Back on point Bobby_. She's thinking about what her next move is.

"It must have been one of those traumatic amnesia things." He's lying. So lying, she _knows_ he's lying. And she's going to catch him in this lie. Going to use it break him. She knows about trauma.

"Bobby, don't lie to me." It's getting more intense in the room.

"I'm telling you, it was all a big blank. It was the trauma." His voice is rising. He's scared, that's why he's lying. She can sense it. She pushes him a little more and he'll give it up, they always done that before.

"It was not the trauma, you don't get to use that excuse."

"I swear I don't remember." He's bluffing, she knows different and is going to call him on it.

"The Hell you don't remember." It's almost a yelling match at this point. Kate is about to go on when…

"Stop," he cut her off. "I WANT A Lawyer NOW." He's turned face her. She stares blankly at him. _Shit, he wised up_ "I know my rights, I want a lawyer." He tells her, not as angry as before. It's like a light bulb went off in his head. _He was about there, about to break, I almost had him_. But he lawyered up; nothing she could do about it.

She asks the standard proceeding line of questions. Does he have a lawyer, he doesn't; asks him if he has some one in mind and again no. It ends up that he just is getting a public defender. That's a good sign, his lawyer will likely try to get him a deal and give up the people behind this. Bobby for all appearances doesn't appear to be the one behind this.

Beckett leaves the box, and proceeds to call the Public Defender's office to arrange for something. She walks into Capt Gates office, she knocks first. Gates signals her in. "Sir, the suspect has lawyered up, we need to get a Public Defender down here now. I think he'll cut a deal and get who hired him, he's definitely scared and looking for a way out."

"I'll get on it right away detective." She pauses, "do you think we should contact the FBI?"

Beckett collects herself, "Sir, he's hiding something. But, let's wait till we have something more solid to give the FBI."

"Ok, I'll get Mr. Lopez a lawyer and see what he'll ask for before we contact the FBI."

"Yes sir." And with that Gates sends out.

As she turns out to go towards her desk she sees Castle sitting in his chair with a Coffee in his hand for her. She smiles and says "Hey there Castle nice to see you."

Castle stands up and turns around, "Hello. Got done with the witness statements, nothing we can use on Bobby." He says as he hands her the cup of coffee with one hand while pointing to the murder board with the other. _He must have been reading up while I was talking to Gates_.

"So how long you been in?" as she accepts his daily coffee gift with her usual smile.

"Oh, I got in just after you and Bobby got in the box," he points towards the interrogation room, "was watching you work him over. You about had him when he lawyered up."

Beckett's mouth drops and her eyes widen. _He was watching me!? I was about to say that 'I remember everything when I was shot!' _She almost drops her coffee. Castle catches her. "Kate" he says as he's holding her up. She collects herself. He looks at her concerned. _What if he had heard me say I remembered?_

"Sorry, it's just this case kind of gets to you." She deflects as she lowers her head to collect herself to go to her chair. Using the words he said earlier. She needs to sit down right now.

"You ok?" He asks concern all over his face.

"Yeah good, thank you for the catch by the way." She's playful with him in that moment but still shaken from the realization of what she almost said.

"No problem, that's what partners are for." He replies. There is a pause as they both give slight smiles to one another. "You have the perfect one after all." He says as he leans back in his chair gloating. Reminding her of his comments from the bank robbery a couple of months ago now. He saying this to try and cheer her up, obviously. And it works.

"No, the perfect partner does **_all_** the paperwork." She gives him a glare, something they've shared before. And they exchange lite laughs.

But deep down she's scared. How close she came to ruining what they have going. _Does he know that I remember? _Well she thinks it through, he may suspect that she remembers, but every time he's brought it up she denied remembering anything about that day. _So he doesn't know that I remember_. At least she's pretty sure of that. She has no way of knowing but isn't going to ask him anytime soon.

_What would he do if he found out I remembered like that? _That was scary to Kate. _Would he ever be able to forgive me? Would he just walk away and never come back?_

"Earth to Kate, you there?" Castle said as she was wondering off about the disaster that could have happened.

"Yeah, just trying to think of my next move." She stated, which was only half false. She was thinking of what they could leverage Bobby with now, but there wasn't anything yet.

"Don't you just wait for the attorney to come and see what deal he tries to make?"

"Yeah I was just trying to figure it all out." And they talked about the case a little more. All the time Beckett was continuously breathing a sigh of relief.

Sometime later Javi got off the phone with what appeared to be someone important. "FBI called with an update. The device used in Boylan Plaza was a pipe bomb. But here's the weird part. It wasn't packed with nails, ball bearings, or anything else."

"That is weird. Bombers usually add projectiles to maximize damage." She was shocked by this.

"Why would they not? This is strange." Castle responded looking utterly confused by the news.

Kate collected her thoughts, "Uh, so what was it triggered by? Cell phone?" What kind of devise was used could help them connect it to Bobby. And then they'd have something to go after him even with his lawyer.

Javi responded. "A remote, probably rigged from a garage door opener. But the range on those is only about 100 feet."

"So whoever detonated it was in Boylan Plaza." Castle quickly announced.

"And I bet you we'll find that remote in Bobby's apartment." Beckett said, they were going to get to the person behind all this.

"Ah … no such luck. But we did find credit cards with lots of different names on them and we found some wallets and some cell phones, too. In fact, one of those cell phones belonged to Andrew Haynes." Ryan had just gotten in from searching Bobby's apartment. He came in without Beckett, Castle or Javi realizing it and had probably heard the conversation.

Castle and Beckett stare at the bags. She looks up, "Bobby's a pickpocket." She realizes.

"Of course that's why he's so scared; he stole the backpack with the bomb and dropped it off without realizing it had a bomb." Castle said adding to Beckett's realization.

"Bro, why would he drop the backpack he just stole?" Esposito asked aloud.

Castle collects himself and looks around. Beckett and Ryan are equally confused. The Castle snaps his fingers. "He looked inside the backpack after he stole it and saw the bomb, dropped it and ran off." Castle goes to crime scene murder board. "That explains why he would stop and start running away quickly." He uses his finger to outline Bobby's path from the cell phone tracking.

It all started to fit together. They needed to talk to Bobby.

Castle and Beckett entered the box where Bobby and his Public Defender were talking. "I'm not done consulting my client."

"We don't believe that your client was a part of the Bomb plot." Kate said as they seated down.

"That is because my client had _nothing_ to do with the bombing." The lawyer responded, he looked like he'd been out of law school recently. Not so well dressed and young looking. He was a public defender after all.

"We think he stole the backpack, realized that it had the bomb and dropped it before he ran away, just before the bomb went off." Kate sounded off.

Bobby made a motion to talk and said "I" but his lawyer quickly put his put his hand over Bobby's month and gave him a look of 'Keep quiet.'

"My client is prepared to give a statement about the backpack as long as he gets immunity from all the potential criminal acts he may have committed in the process."

"As long as it's just theft AND he had nothing to do with the bombing. That's a deal I can recommend to the DA." And it was. The bombing was a big deal. The Governor and the US Attorney General, not just the Mayor, wanted this closed quickly. The national media was wondering if this was a terrorist attack after all. The President had only commented that it was being investigated by the best.

"My Client will NOT say another word until the DA agrees to this in writing." For being young the lawyer knew when there was valuable info to be traded for.

Over the next hour or so of phone tag with Gates and the FBI and the DA and the US attorney's office they all agreed to terms. Then Bobby gave his statement which was taped. "All those people were hanging out full of peace and brotherhood. Lots of easy marks. I lifted a couple of wallets and phones. Then I saw this newer blue Backpack right near the dumpsters. It was just lying there between two dumpsters and I figured someone was just throwing it away or was hiding it. So I lifted it. As soon as I grabbed it a white dude with curly dark blonde hair said, 'Hey! Hey! That's mine.' And that dude started coming after me, 'Hey, that's mine! Give that back!'. I didn't want to make a big scene so started to walk away. The same white guy followed me and I figured I'd just drop it and he wouldn't care, so I dumped it next to the pole and hurried away. I swear, I didn't know a bomb was in it. I would never hurt anyone. Look, you gotta believe me." His lawyer stops him and walks outside.

"Hope this is acceptable." He says knowing he just cut a pretty good deal for this client.

"One thing first." Beckett says, thinking about the curly hair, and she gives him a picture of Jesse Friedman. "Ask him if this was the person whose backpack it was."

The lawyer goes in and Bobby nods. "Yeah that's him."

Beckett takes the picture from the Public Defender. She and Castle go back to the boys. The team gathers at the murder board. Then Beckett hangs up the picture of Jessie Friedman under the suspects tab.

"That's Jesse Friedman. That's one of the victims." Castle states confused

"And he's a member of the movement." Beckett responds adding to their confusion.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he attack his own people?" They both stare blankly at each other.

Over the next few hours the FBI searches Jesse's apartment and find evidence the bomb was made there. Everyone talks it over and Castle starts walking through things aloud asking more questions, answering others and walking through the events of that day. Beckett is amazed and awed by his work. He seems to be putting all the pieces of this complicated puzzle together.

"Leann West was on the other end of that phone." Castle says finally.

"Leann West the TV reporter covering the protest? Why not the camera man or a Producer?" Ryan asks.

"If you watch the whole feed it makes sense. Right before they went on hear Leann says 'Roger that' while touching her ear, a headphone for that burner cell. I bet that is from the call Jesse made. I'm betting Jesse and Leann are old friends and if we search Leann's we'll find that burner cell."

Kate just stares at him. _He is extraordinary._ And then remembers what almost happened today. She looks down not wanting anyone to see her face. _I almost screwed everything up._ How she almost let on her deep secret. The truth that she can't face just yet. And is relieved that it's still hers to keep. She had tried two days ago to muster up the courage to tell him how she felt but couldn't and then Javi had interrupted them. She was relieved by that.

Sometime later CSU finds Leann's burner cell and the remote used on the bomb using the Homeland Security phone GPS. Beckett and Castle conduct the interrogation after Gates has a talk with them. Leann quickly confesses and the case is closed and handed off to the FBI and US attorney's office. Soon after Captain Gates gathers up the precinct and exclaims "The FBI has taken Leann West into custody. This woman, whose blind ambition lead to the death of 5 people, will get what she deserves. I um, I want to thank each of you for what you did to make this happen. You all put into 110% and made me proud. So let's get out of here, head on home, and catch up on some much needed rest." The officers' hands clap and everyone is excited to take some time off. Castle is going around telling everyone that _The_ _Old Haunt_ is giving out free drinks to anyone from the 12th tonight. He's glad this is over. She is too.

Soon enough it's just Castle, Ryan, Esposito and her around her desk. The case has ramped up her adrenaline and she's ready to go out and celebrate, relieve the stress. "You know what. I'm still kind of wired. Do you guys want to go to _The_ _Old Haunt_ with me?" This was a good way to celebrate another case with her boys.

Ryan gives an ashamed look. "Ah sorry. It feels like a month since I've seen Jenny. I should really get home." _No reason to be embarrassed to say you want to see your wife Kevin_. So Ryan wasn't joining them. It'd still be the three of them and most of the rest of the precinct. That's fine. She could drink with Esposito and Castle and any other cop celebrating the end to this case.

"Me too. I'm tanked. I'll holler at you." And Espo wasn't going to join them either. This was weird, he was the ex-marine, the one who almost never tired out. It's like he senses that Castle and Beckett need to be alone. To which Kate is fine with, in fact she's sort of happy it is just her and Castle.

Espo and Ryan say their good byes for the night. It's just her and Castle now. "So I guess it's just us." Just her and Castle and nothing else to distract them, No Case, No people, just the two of them. They can have some time just to themselves, which have been very rare. _Too Rare_

"Yeah," Castle replies, "just the two of us." And he looks up at her. "But we'll have a bar full of cops to keep us company." The both laugh a little at that. Castle not so much though.

Beckett pauses and then remembers what happened yesterday at her desk. Castle wanted to say something, it seemed important. He said he'd talk about it after the case, so she asks him, "You know, now that the case is done, what did you want to talk about?" Bringing up conversation before Ryan had interrupted them.

Castle looks down; she can sense that he's scared and nervous. Uneasy, not his normal post case self. Especially a case where he was a vital part in finding the solution. He's not shaking so it's _not that bad_, but something is off. _He's giving out free drinks at his bar what could be wrong?_ He doesn't say anything, but he's trying to gather up something to say. That air of silence between them is heavy. He's sort of looking around to see whose around them, and there really isn't anybody near them or paying them any attention. _Everyone's left it's just us Castle._ She growing impatient but then it's starting to realize what he's about to say. She remembers what he said yesterday: _'I've been thinking about the victims and all the opportunities they're never going to have and I don't want that to happen.'_ It hits her like a freight train.

_He's going to say what he told me when I was shot_.

It's what makes sense, it's why he's acting the way he does_. Give him time he'll eventually say it_. Her smile is growing. She wasn't ready to hear those words 9 months ago, but now she is. That is her secret from him. After what nearly happened with Bobby, she needs this secret be over with. She'll never have to tell him and there won't be that awkward moment between them. A moment she dreads. A moment she doesn't want to happen and if he says it again then it won't have to happen.

He finally opens his mouth, "Yeah Kate there is something very important I want to tell you." He pauses. More and more people are filing out. In the bullpen it's just them now, even the people on shift are taking a quick break. The cleaning crew hasn't even showed up yet. LT is even gone and it seems that he is always there. And then right before he's going to say something more,

"Mr Castle, Detective Beckett why are you two still here?" Captain Gates said from her office door staring at them. It's unclear if she's on her way out or has just stepped out to see what's going on between the two of them. Gates is clearly curious what is being said between them. Castle gives a small shake of his head in disgust. He's startled and upset by Gate's addition to the conversation. It was their conversation. The one where she finally get to hear those words from him without… without the pain, the burning in her chest, the fear of death.

The moment between them is broken, _again_. It's like that some greater power is trying everything it can to keep them apart. "No Captain just congratulating each other before we head out, to _The_ _Old Haunt_" Kate says to keep the Captain and one of Castle's only detractor out of it. Out of their private talk. The talk she wants to have.

"Yes I heard Mr. Castle is giving free drinks to my people there tonight." Gates replied looking at both of them. "For which I am thankful. I just hope it doesn't get out of hand." Gates says in a kind of condescending way. They wave Gates goodnight and she goes back into her office.

"Seems like you're warming up to her Castle." Kate says with a smile on her face. Trying to lighten the mood back to what it was. There wasn't any point to try though. Another moment between them had been utterly crushed again. Just like the other day with Ryan.

"Yeah, guess so." His says that while his shoulders are slouched. Castle still has that weight on him that he wants to tell her, but can't seem to get out. And that is starting to eat at him. _Hell it's eating at me too_. She needs that secret out. She almost blew it, and she's afraid she can't keep it secret that much longer.

Then Beckett gets her coat. She and Castle start to walk towards the elevator. If he's going to spill his guts to her they need some privacy she realizes. As they start to walk way to the elevators "Castle, I don't know if I want to go to _The_ _Old Haunt,_ we could go somewhere else." She tries not to make it obvious she knows what he's trying to say. She wants to go somewhere more 'private'.

"Um, I should be there. Being the owner and all." He doesn't know what she was implying. _He's thinking I meant another bar_. It's clear that he wants to go with Beckett but feels obligated to the precinct and his tavern to make an appearance. She just has to give him an excuse. Neither of them can hold it in for much longer. Rick's feelings need to come out. So she makes it very plain what she was meaning, no beating around the bush; just strait talk of what _they both_ needed.

"I kind of want some space and quite after all this. Everyone around, all the witnesses and FBI all over the place, I've had enough crowds." She turns to look at him. "Well you just go and make your appearance." She pauses to let it soak in. And she lets go and says what she really wants, "And then you can just come to my place. We can talk there and relax." _God I hope I wasn't coming on too strong there. Does he realize I know what he's about to say? _Castle stares at her a little confused. He's unsure of what this all means. She smiling but trying not to give it away. _How do I not give it away? _"Make sure to bring a _nice_ bottle of wine with you. We deserve one after this case."

"Um sure I'll go make my appearance there and swing by home to get some this nice bottle of 2001 Chateauneuf-du-Pape," he continued "I'll be at your place in like one to two hours then. Is that fine?" He's hesitant to ask.

"Yeah that's fine Castle, I'll be waiting for you." Her heart is fluttering; she has butterflies in her stomach. Tonight will be magical. They get off the elevator and go their separate ways. After a few steps she looks back him. _I can't wait to see you tonight Castle._


	2. What happened last night?

Castle made his quick appearance at _The Old Haunt_, it was more of a cameo really, and high tailed it out of there to his apartment. He entered and went to the wine stand. "Hello Darling I saw the bombing case has been closed." Martha was there waiting for him to come in. She's drinking some of his wine like normal. There was a slight disappointment to her tone like she wasn't hoping to see him tonight.

"Where's Alexis?" He asked

"In her room talking with her _mother_." Martha didn't like her former daughter in law at all. Not like Rick did much but she was Alexis' mother, though it's hard to believe looking at his daughter's behavior. "She heard about the bombing '_today_'," Martha didn't believe that but she didn't believe anything Meredith said anymore anyways, "and called Alexis about an hour ago, _on the main line_. They've been talking since." Meredith had called the land line even though Alexis had her own cell, just one way to get under Martha and Richard's skin. Martha soon turned her attention back to her son as he was looking for that bottle of wine. "So um… have you um… told Detective Beckett… you know." Since he was here and Beckett wasn't Martha was preparing for the worst.

Rick kept looking for that bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape. And without turning to face his overly dramatic mother, "I haven't told her yet."

"What do you mean you haven't told her yet?!" she's upset and being that overly dramatic self of hers, "Richard Castle when do you ever intend to tell the women how you feel when she can _actually hear you_? You can't put it off forever." She waves her finger at him, "You said to me you would yesterday and now the case is over and you _still _haven't told her. Do you ever want to find out how she feels about you?" Martha is being dramatic but she has a point. He does want to know how she feels about him.

Rick finally finds that bottle of wine he's promised. He turns to face his mother. "Look Mother, I'll tell her when I'm ready." And he wasn't really ready at the Precinct when Ryan interrupted them or when Gates just did as well.

"And by your actions that seems to never." She collects herself, "Richard you can't go on not knowing how she feels, waiting any more for her won't change her feelings. If she's not ready now she never will be." That hits home. With all the time the spent together, is waiting any more going to help his cause? Her mother's murder is colder than cold. He has seen to it that it's at a truce. A truce he never intends to break. If Kate's wall can't come down until her mother's has been solved then she'll never be ready for him. He knows that. He doesn't want to face that possibility. But it's real to him. VERY REAL. And it's one of the many things he's going to have to face tonight. He's scared she doesn't have the same feelings for him as he has for her. _I love her but does she love me?_

"Look I'm…," he shakes his head, "I'm going over to her place right now and…," He breathed in before the next part, "I'm planning on telling her how I feel there."_ I love her and I want her to know_.

Martha gives a strange look on her face. "Why are you going over to her place now, isn't the whole precinct at your bar?" somehow Martha had heard that _The Old Haunt_ was hosting the whole 12th, he didn't know how.

"She invited me to her apartment. She wanted to get some peace and quiet given everything that happened." That was how he interrupted what she said.

"So is it just the two of you then?" Martha asked somewhat hopefully winking at her son.

"I don't know, she invited Ryan and Esposito, they both were too tired and went home. I'm guessing Lanie will be there. Who knows who else." He really had no clue who else could be there. He was completely unaware that Kate wanted it to be just the two of them.

"Oh, ok." Martha sighed disappointed. She grabbed his wrists. "Richard promise me that you'll tell her _tonight_."

Richard looked at her. Martha was holding his wrists, one of which was holding the wine bottle he promised Kate. "I will Mother." He finally said. They both looked at each other. "Tell Alexis…"

"We won't be calling you." Martha interrupted him. "Hope we don't see you till tomorrow." That stunned him. He looked into his mother's eyes. She gave that look in her eye of pure parental love. Or at least was giving a sign of understanding, he wasn't sure which or if it was something else. He really didn't know what was going on. Then Martha started to pat his shoulder and added "Break a leg kiddo." With that Richard Castle left the loft and hailed a cab to Kate Beckett's apartment. It was going to be an interesting few hours, to say the least. Hours that would define the rest of his life.

...

"Why didn't he make a move? Why the hell didn't he try?" She holds up her hands in disgust. Kate yelled aloud.

"Who are you talking about Kate?" Dr Burke calming said, only half asking, since he knew who Kate was talking about but wanted confirmation from his patient first.

"You know who!" Of course he knew, who else _could_ she be talking about.

"You haven't told me." He was making Kate tell him.

"Castle of course" _Who the hell else MORON? Who do I always talk to you about when I come here for the last 6 months since I told you I remember what happened? _Kate was agitated from last night. Actually agitated is an understatement.

"Kate can you take me through what happened?" _Oh._ She hadn't told him anything about what happened last night yet.

"Well we had been investigating the Bolyan Plaza bombing." She decided to start at the beginning. "Two mornings ago Castle came into the precinct. He asked if we could talk." She paused.

"What did you talk about?" he said right before Kate was going to continue.

"Not much. He asked if we could talk. He said that there was something he wanted to tell me." She brushed her hair back before she continued. "He said that he was thinking about the bombing victims and he didn't want to lose the opportunity because he didn't act." She breathed in, "And then Ryan interrupted us." She shook her head. She was still unhappy about that, even though it was just bad timing and not his fault.

"Kate who is Ryan?"

"Oh he's one of the other Detectives at the 12th, one of my partners." She forgot that Dr. Burke hadn't ever been told about her partners. It is weird that she has to explain who Ryan is to her therapist. She had spoken with him so much but never mentioned Kevin or Javi, and had barely mentioned Lanie but once or twice. Dr Burke was there to talk about Castle and dealing with her shooting mostly.

"Ok, go on."

"Well our captain wanted us to look at something she just got. And Castle said that what he wanted to say would wait until after the case was done." She took a drink of coffee. She called in an 'emergency' session first thing this morning, needing to figure out what happened last night. "After the case was done I asked people if they wanted to go _The Old Haunt_ to grab a drink with everyone else." She interjected as well before he asked the follow up question, "_The Old Haunt_ is Castle's tavern and was giving out free drinks that night to the 12th since the case was done." She took another drink of her coffee before she continued. "My two partners said they wanted to head home. They were tired from the case and all." She waved her hand. Then she continued, "So it was just me and Castle." She shook her head. She was reflecting on everything that had happened that night. Trying to understand it.

"Kate, what happened next?"

"Well I asked Castle about what he wanted to tell me. And it was at that point I figured it out what he was going to say." Kate relaxed and started to have a huge grin remembering what he said.

"What did he say?"

"Well nothing at first he wanted to say it in private, so I invited him back to my place after he took care of a couple of things. I thought that was a big enough of a hint, but how could he not see it?" She threw her arms up in frustration. _How can he be so dumb? How could Castle not take that hint?_

"Kate, did he come to your place?"

"Yes, he did."

"What happened at your place?"

Then Kate starts to recount what happened.

...

Castle shows up at the door. He has one of his favorite wines in one hand. And in the other he is making the motion to knock on the door. He pauses. He's scared of all the bad things that can happen. Being a writer he can come up with a lot of really bad ones. It's sort of his job to come up with worst case scenarios. Hopefully it won't be like the last time he came over to her apartment with a bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape, which ended with a body on her doorstep the next day. And then the next day her place was bombed. _Stay on track stupid, she doesn't have a psycho following her right now. Oh what if she does? Get back on track, concentrate._

He collects himself and he knocks on the door. The wait until she opens it is maybe 10 seconds, at most. It felt like 10 hours. "Hey you're here finally." She smiles so wide at his presence.

He holds up the wine, "2001 Chateauneuf-du-Pape like you requested." She smiles and jesters for him to come in.

"How you doing?" trying to make some small talk before the big talk.

"Doing good," Kate pauses and turns sideways to point at the couch, "why don't we sit down on the couch." She's direct. Not really trying to hide her enjoyment thinking of what is about to happen. A moment she's been waiting for a while now.

Castle enters Beckett's apartment and starts to look around, he sees no one else. "Laine joining us?" He's a little shocked to see no one else. No he's _really_ shocked to see no one else.

"No, she's not." Kate paused "it's just the two of us." Not realizing Castle thought it was going to be a group of people.

"Oh", Castle paused, expecting the ME to already be there having not seen her at _The Old Haunt_. "I'd figure she'd be joining us." He voices allowed what was going through his head at the time.

"Um No, she wanted some rest." She fibbed, she hadn't not contacted Lanie. Though it may be the truth though; she didn't know where Lanie was. But that wasn't important, not right now, not tonight, she wanted to get back on track.

Castle opens the bottle of wine with relative ease. Kate holds out two glass which Castle fills both. Kate guides them to her couch. The sit down, very similar to how they sat a month ago when they listened to Martha's One Women Play encore performance. Very close to each other. They weren't even alone then. But now they are. No one's coming to interrupt them. They have a few sips of wine. Kate puts her glass down and decides to start the conversation. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"Well Kate, it's very important." Castle speaks very slowly, cautiously. He puts his wine glass down. "It's about the two of us." He pauses before he starts again. He wants to put this as gently as possible in case she doesn't feel what he feels. "And if you don't like what I'm about to say then I'll leave and never come back, no questions asked."

Kate responds quickly, "Castle I wouldn't make you leave. Quit being silly." Kate lightly taps his knee with her hand as she says this. She knows what he's about to say. She can't believe that he thinks she won't act positive to his words. He has NO CLUE that she knows.

However he's afraid that she thinks he's joking. "I'm being serious Kate, _very serious_." He responds while looking her strait in the eyes. He put a lot of emphasis on the 'very serious', making sure she realizes he's not joking. He goes on, "Kate I,…" There is a long pause as he looks down. His tongue is caught in his throat. He's having a hard time finding the resolve to say the next words.

"You what…" She was trying to prod him on, but not too hard. Kate wants him to say it on his own, so she can hear it, without the pain. Hear it in a moment of joy.

"Let me finish Kate." She nods, understanding. He gathers himself and prepares for the worst. "Kate," he takes a very deep breath and blasts out his not so secret feelings, "Kate I love you."

It's the phrase that she's been so desperate to hear. "You do?" She half stating, half questioning. She's shocked by what she hears. _I knew he was going to say that and 'You do' is all I can say_. She shocked even though she knew he was going to say it. It's like she's in a dream.

"I do." He responds less scared than he had been previously, thinking that this is the first time Kate has heard him say it. He's still going through new worst case scenarios in his mind given the new developments.

The room is calm. A quite calm. But it is anything but calm with their emotions . A feeling of want and desire fills both of them. Neither is saying anything. Because there doesn't have to be anything said. Both are waiting for the other to do something, both scared that something bad will happen. Finally Kate breaks the standstill. She takes his neck with her hands, rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs. They look deeply into each other's eyes. Castle is starting to realize she feels the same way. He starts to smile. His smile widens by the second and Kate's does as well in response. He still doesn't quite believe what is about to happen, what is happening. Kate closes her eyes as she moves her face towards him. He closes his eyes as well. His hands go to the back of Kate's shoulders.

Then they kiss.

It's not like the kiss they shared while undercover over a year ago. That was half faking it, half pure desire. But this one, it's real. 100% real. The one they've both craved and wanted. The kiss they needed. They pull away for a brief second. To confirm what just happened. They look at each other and go at.

They kiss every way you can think of. They kiss Passionately. Sloppily. Hungrily. Slowly. Wantingly, if that is even a word.

They make out like a couple of college kids at a frat party in a private room. But they've had more experience. Yet, this is different from anything either has experienced before. Their hands roam around their necks and back; through their hair. After the first kiss they only pull back to catch each others breath.

After a long time, Caslte pulls away. "Wow, is this real?" taking a breath between each word. That lasted an eternity and flew right by at the same time. It's so different than any dream he's ever had of this moment. He can barely breathe, he sucking so much air trying to catch his breath. He wants to start up again so badly.

Kate is sucking air as well but she responds to her lover's words of disbelief. "This is real." She says as she looks into his eyes. She's wanting to start up again too. But Castle pulls away.

"Slow down there, I need to catch my breath." She smiles and laughs. She waits. All that time she uses her hands to rub different parts of this body. His arms, back, outside of his legs and his chest. She smiling coyly at him hoping he gets the message of what she wants. After about a minute or so Castle seems to regain his breath.

"So round 2?" he says.

"Round 2." And round 2 begins. Their lips lock for what seems like forever as their hands roam to different areas this time. Nothing overtly sexually, but touching to show desire for the other.

Eventually Castle has to break again. "Wow this is truly amazing. Beyond my wildest dreams."

"Really _this_ is beyond your wildest dreams? I thought you were an author." She mocks him. But at the same time the same is true for her. This is also beyond her wildest dreams.

"Kate," He takes her hands, "I came in here thinking you didn't feel the same way." She's shocked by this. She thought she had given all the signs. "I was afraid, that the wall inside was still up and you didn't want to start a relationship. I thought that tonight could be the last time I ever saw you."

Then it hits her how big a deal this was to him. How much he thought he was putting on the line to tell her how he felt. She thought she'd given all the signs. After the day handcuffed together, during Ryan's Wedding reception, at Martha's One Women Play. But she hadn't. He didn't pick up on them. He still had no clue that she shared these feelings. He bared his heart to her not knowing how she felt. He was emotional putting himself completely vulnerable to her. And she was glad. But then she's back in the interrogation with Bobby. If she gone on a few more words, if Bobby hadn't asked for a lawyer. He would have heard, heard her say that she remembers; remembers the first time he declared his love for her…

"Kate you ok." Castle is worried.

"Yeah, just wondering how you could think I didn't feel that way about you."

"Oh, I guess I was… I don't know."

Kate lets out a small laughs, "I thought you were observing me."

"Well, I guess not well enough, which I'll have to correct in the future." He reaches down to grab her wine glass and gives it to her. "To us," he holds out his glass a toast, "that we finally told the other how we truly felt." Kate hadn't really said any words, it was more of actions speak louder than words.

She puts her glass against his, "To us." They toast and finish their wine.

"So how do you want to play this?" he asks as he puts the glass down.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I told Mother that I was going to bare my soul to you. Alexis doesn't know I'm here. Who do else do we want to let unto our lip locking, which by the way your amazing at."

_He told his mom? _Kate started to think about it. _Really that makes sense though. He's probably confided in Martha about his emotions towards me, much like I have seen Dr. Burke for my 'issues' with Castle_.

"Kate what are you thinking?"

"Oh, um I want to keep this to ourselves as long as possible. I haven't told anyone that you were coming over. I want to keep it on the down low until we figure out what we have, ok?" He nodded.

"I understand." Castle was fine with whomever Kate did or didn't want to tell.

She went on. "If anyone finds out they'll tell other people and eventually Gates will find out and we won't be able to work together Castle." She says this not so much that she's scared of Gates finding out. It's more that she wants to keep this to themselves so she can explore how this makes her feel. She's never felt this way before. Then it dawns on her, "Can your drama queen for a mother keep this secret, can we trust her?"

"Yes Mother can be trusted to keep this secret." He takes her other hand now. "Mother will be thrilled and if you say that keeping it a secret until we figure it out is a condition, her mouth will be shut. As much as she's going to want to tell Alexis or her Drama students or her hair dresser; our secret is safe with Mother. Which is something I'd never thought I'd say."

"Ok, good." She's a little relieved. But now she wants more to happen tonight.

"Kate, it's late and if we don't want Alexis to get suspicious I'd better get home."

"Oh, yeah." She's a little shocked that the night is ending so soon, but then she looks a clock, they had been making out for about 90 minutes. _An hour and a half? Not possible I can't believe we were making out that long_. It flew by. She didn't want him to leave, she wanted so much more from him tonight.

He stood up. "So tomorrow." And with that he pulled her up to stand beside him. The looked at each others eyes and he kisses her again. A slow soft kiss. It was a good night kiss. "Tomorrow night dinner here at your place?" He asked.

"Sure thing." She said. And with that Castle left the happiest he'd ever been. Kate was confused though.

...

"Wasn't it obvious?" Kate half asks half yells at her therapist Dr. Burke.

"What are you talking about Kate?" Dr Burke responds having very little to go. She hasn't said much since they started this meeting about half an hour ago.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No I don't, if you want to talk about it, you need to tell me what you're talking about."

She sighs, "I invited him over, it was just the 2 of us. We were making out. I felt it was obvious that I was giving him the 'ok' to make a move."

"What do you mean by making a move?"

"I wanted him to start… sex, ok." She finally spells it out for him. He knew but didn't want to presume. "That's what I meant by making a move." She paces around a bit. "Does he not want to have sex with me? Is he not interested in me that way? What do you think?" She's rattling off questions left and right to him. "Wouldn't any other guy in that position try to have sex with me last night?"

"Kate all men are different."

"Well can you at least try to answer me, isn't that what the city's insurance is paying you for?" Kate is searching for a way to explain what happened.

"I have never met Mr. Castle. I can't give a definitive reason for his behavior without meeting him."

"Can you at least try?"

"I'm not Dr Phil, Kate. I can't analyze people I've never met. I can only try and help you." He looks at Kate. "Did you want to have sex with Castle last night, Kate?"

"Why are you asking me that?" She raises her hands while he looks at her.

"You've only told me that you're upset he didn't try and initiate sex, you haven't said if you actually wanted to have sex last night."

She answered the question then. "Yes, ok I did, what does that matter? What matters is that he didn't make a move."

"Again, let's concentrate on what you did and _didn't do_." He was emphasizing the last part.

"Wait, what," Kate is confused, "what do you mean didn't do?"

"Did you tell Castle you wanted to have sex with him last night?"

"What kind of question is that? It was plain and clear. He's a guy he should make a move first."

"Is that what was preventing you from 'making a move', Kate? Do you need him to take the risks?"

"Wait, what, what are you talking about?"

"You're a mature adult female. Nothing says that you can't initiate sexual intimacy. Being the one to start intimacy in a relationship can be a big emotional risk. You seem to think it should be Castle and not you to take that risk."

"But Castle should, guys should start things."

"Kate let me ask you this. In every other sexual relationship has your partner initiated sexual contact?"

"Well, yeah," she paused and thought about it again, "um, no not always." In fact she was the one that started things most of the time. "I've made the first move a few times. Why is that important?" Kate is even more confused. _What the hell is he getting at?_

He pauses and looks strait at Kate. There is a moment of silence and then he asks the question he's asked her before. "Kate, what are you really scared of?"

"Wait, why do you think I'm scared?"

"If you were not afraid of something, you would have told Castle your desires. Now could it be that you're afraid you aren't fully healed?"

"Why would that have anything to do with this?" She is angry and is half stating, half asking.

"When you were shot Castle said that he loved you."

"Yes he did," she was shaking her head at this. _Well yeah what else have we been talking about all this time._

"Did you tell him you remember?"

"NO, but that's not important now."

"At the time of the shooting you were in a relationship with another man, a doctor."

"Yeah, Josh was his name."

"Castle took an emotional risk letting you know his feelings when you were shot. From his point of view you could have chosen Josh over him. Yet he was willing to risk your rejection to let his feelings be known. He's waited months for you to remember what he said. And last night he decided not to wait anymore and took the risk again. Castle has taken several risks to let you know his feelings Kate." Burke paused and collected himself. Kate was absorbing it all in. "Now you've been healing. However I believe you haven't fully recovered."

"Look I don't think at this point it's a good idea to mention I remember. It's just going to complicate things, plus I feel like I'm over the shooting."

Dr Burke looked straight into her eyes and replied. "I wasn't talking about the shooting. I was talking about what you've be trying to heal from all this time even before we met, your mother's death."

_Oh that_. Yeah Kate was still dealing with that. "My mom shouldn't have anything to do with this." Kate was lying to herself and Burke could see that.

"But it does; doesn't it Kate? The memory of your mother's death is causing you to be afraid to have emotional intimacy with another person. Kate you told me that. You told me that was one of the reasons you broke up with Josh. Is that what you're scared of Kate? That you aren't ready to have a relationship and you're searching for ways to undermine the one you have now with Castle. You're preemptively protecting yourself from getting hurt again."

He's hit it right on the head. "Yeah, I still am." Kate was scared. That wall was still up. Castle's words have cracked it, again. Weakened it. But it was still there.

"Kate you can't let your mother down, she's dead. You're only letting yourself down." He's said this before. After a few moments Dr Burke continued. "Lack of sexual contact on a first date means nothing for the future of the relationship. You shouldn't look for ways that the relationship can fail." He's done and points his index fingers at Kate from his clasped hands. That is the signal to her showing he's waiting for her response.

"Yeah. You're right." Kate pauses. Takes a swig of coffee and starts to swirl around the cup. She goes back to topic that brought her in today. "So should I like tell him I want to have sex then?"

"When you want to Kate. No one can decide that for you, only you can decide for yourself."


	3. His Birthday

It was a Sunday night on April 1, 2012. Rick was turning 43. Originally he wasn't going to have a Birthday celebration but Alexis sort of decided last minute, ok Wednesday morning, to have one as she may be gone for the rest of his birthdays for college and living away from NYC. Being in a good mood that morning Rick agreed. Thus small birthday plans were made. He had dinner at the loft with a few select guests, Mayor Weldon being one of them. It was a little awkward with Beckett, Espo and Ryan at first but then Bob lightened the mood. "Detectives you were just doing your jobs. You followed the evidence that at first pointed to me but in the end I was cleared." Bob cracked a smile, "Though Ricky here tells me your Captain was a bit disappointed that it wasn't me." And everyone laughed at that. Gates was not the mayor's biggest fan.

There was some casual conversation, snack food, and beers to go with the dinner. Castle had offered Alexis a drink, which she turned down and gave everyone a good laugh at him trying to "corrupt" his daughter. The Mayor asked if they'd have to arrest Castle for this for, egging them on a little. After that settled down Alexis brought out the cake she had made for her dad. Everyone seemed to enjoy the cake, or they didn't say bad things so as not to upset Alexis and Rick. Overall the party (if you could even call it that) didn't last but more than an hour and that is what Rick wanted, something short and sweet, given his plans for the night. Everyone was out by 8 pm. After cleaning up Rick went to his daughter, "Hey there Alexis, I'm going out to _The Old Haunt_ for some drinks. Don't wait up for me, ok?"

"Sure dad, I know that you might get wasted and sleep on the couch in the office, I can take care of myself. I'll get to school on time tomorrow whether or not you're here."

"I was more concerned about your Gram."

That got a look from Martha, "Richard I heard that."

"Well see you later then Alexis."

"Good night dad." And then she paused and gave him a hug, "Happy 43 daddy."

"Thank you." And he kissed her forehead.

After the embrace Rick collected his jacket and headed for the door. Then his mother yelled out "Enjoy yourself kiddo." before he got out. Martha knew what was really going on though. Beckett had invited him to her apartment to have some private time so enjoy his birthday.

It had been a great week for Rick. It started off not so good with the Bolyan Plaza bombing last Saturday. They spent Saturday night and Sunday doing interviews. Then Tuesday night we finally told his muse what he really felt about her. And, to Rick's relief, she felt the same way. Well she hadn't said it but her actions made it clear. They had dinner on Wednesday at her place. _Wow Kate could cook._ After that they made plans for the rest of the week. Kate suggested that Rick should come back to her place after his Birthday Party. First to receive his birthday present and second to spend some time alone together. Rick would slip out using _The Old Haunt_ as a cover story for Alexis. Martha knew what was really going on though in case of emergency. In the mean time they just saw each other at the precinct on Thursday and Friday, trying not to let on to anyone else about their new found relationship. It was easier than they thought since around 11am on Thursday there was a body drop. Simple drug deal gone bad. The case was closed by Friday night. That had kept them busy on Thursday and Friday and made things easy. Saturday they spent apart, Rick spent it with Alexis doing some father daughter activities. He had spent Sunday helping Alexis and Martha get ready for the party.

He took a cab to Kate's apartment complex. It was walking distance but he was too excited to wait much longer. The elevator ride took a day and a half. Or at least that is what he thought. He went up to Kate's door and knocked on it. She answered shortly thereafter. "Come in." She was by the door expecting him.

"Hello there beautiful." He came in and hugged her and gave her a kiss in one swift motion. Kate pulled away after the kiss to shut the door. She was wearing something different from the party. She was in a long dark trench coat.

"Come on I'll give you your present." She took her left hand and grabbed his right hand. And started leading him and they ended up in her bedroom.

Upon entering her bedroom Rick piped up "First time I've been in here." He looked around trying to find what she was going to be giving him.

Kate turned around with the back of her legs against the end of her bed. "Yeah I know." She seemed to be giddy with excitement. _What could be the surprise?_

"So what's my secret birthday present?" He was very curious to find out.

Kate untied her trench coat and let it drop to the floor. She wasn't wearing anything under it. "Happy birthday Castle." She took a step forward and using her hands grabbing his face to kiss him.

Castle grabbed her shoulder and pushed back, shocked by what had just transpired. "Whoa, whoa hold on." She looked at him questioningly. "You sure you want this Kate, I don't want to pressure you at all."

Kate smiled and looked down, "Yes Castle, I want this." She looked up at him and smiled. "I was hoping we'd be doing this on Tuesday night. That's why I invited you here that night." _Oh. Wow I was really clueless wasn't I_. "I thought with enough wine one of the two of us would get enough liquid courage to make a move." That was a half-truth, but it wasn't a total lie. Kate looked back at him and gave a wide smile.

Rick had left Tuesday night because he didn't want to mess things up. They had gone perfectly in his mind. If he overstayed and pushed the envelope beyond what Kate was willing to do at the time made him scared. With every other woman he had ever made out like that, he would have whisked them away to the bedroom. But Not with Kate. His author's mind had gone through too many bad scenarios where he went too far and ruined things, he wasn't going to risk that so he had left a little early. But it turns out Kate was giving him the 'all go' signs.

Rick started to smile let out a small laugh amazed he hadn't picked any of that up. "I hope what happened Tuesday was fine though."

"I was fine with it. And when you didn't make a move on Wednesday either I figured that I was going to have to make the first move."

"That you did." Rick laughed at that. _How lucky am I that my dreams come true?_ Kate laughed back and Rick started to kiss Kate again. They slowly started to use their hands. Rick was unbuttoning his shirt. Kate began to start to undo his belt. She undid his belt and started on his zipper. She was doing it slowly and then a warning light with off in Rick's head.

Rick pulled back again suddenly. "I'm sorry there is one small problem Kate."

"What is it Castle?" She's startled and is confused by his statement. Her face is showing signs of panic. Her mind was racing with fear.

"Kate I wasn't expecting… this so um, I don't have…" he paused for a few seconds to find the best way to say what was up, "protection." That was embarrassing. Richard Castle notorious playboy author didn't carry a condom on him. He stopped when he started up with Gina the second time. He hadn't put one back in after they broke up. Since he was only interested in Kate and he wasn't expecting to be with Kate anytime soon he didn't put one in his wallet. And now he was regretting that move considerably. As in the worst decision of his life.

Kate just looked at him and smiled, "Don't worry birthday boy, I have some." Kate went to her nightstand drawer and got out half full box of Trojans she bought for Josh over a year ago. She tossed one to Castle. "Hope this works."

Rick caught it and smiled 10 miles wide. "Yeah, yeah it does." He was relieved.

Kate walked back over and grabbed his zipper and undid his pants button letting them drop to the floor. She looked up at him strait in the eyes. "If you need help I can put it on for you."

"Yeah I think I'm going to need help with that. Putting on a condom is a delicate process."

Tonight was going to a special night for both of them.

...

Rick awoke the next morning in a rush. He sat up almost instantaneously. _Was last night a dream?_ Then he looked around he wasn't in his loft. He was in Kate's bed. Katherine Beckett's bedroom. That wasn't sinking in. He couldn't believe it. Last night felt like a dream. An amazing dream. A dream that couldn't possibly be real. Rick keeps expecting to actually wake up in his apartment, it's Wednesday morning and Kate has rejected him. But that isn't going to happen. This is real. He's here and what happened last night happened. And it felt real good.

Then Kate walks into the room wearing his shirt from last night. Only his shirt, nothing else. And it's about half buttoned. _If this is a dream it's the best one I've ever had_. She's holding two coffee mugs. "Made you some coffee." Kate sits at the side of the bed and gives one of the mugs to Rick.

As he takes it he says aloud what is going through his mind. "So it wasn't a dream."

"No you definitely weren't dreaming." She has a slight giggle saying that.

Rick takes a sip of coffee and then looks at Kate and again says what is now on his mind. "You were right, I had _no idea_."

"So you liked it?"

"Yeah." _Understatement of the millennium_.

"Even the part where I…"

"Especially that part, I loved that."

"Good me too." She was a little shy in doing that last night during their first time no less. But he wanted to do it just as much as her when she suggested it.

They both had some coffee. Rick is still in disbelief over the whole thing. "So Kate, you don't have any regrets about last night?" _Really I just asked that, why can't I believe what happened? She's the one who started it why am I still scared she's going to run away?_

She just smiles at him. "Only that we didn't do that before."

"Yeah we should of done that 3 and half years ago."

"Well if you weren't such a stuck up jackass back then maybe we would have Castle." She pokes her hand to his chest while saying that comment. Playing a little with him.

"All part of the charm." He gives that grin and smile while he says it she shakes her head at the joke. They both laugh it off and Castle finishes his coffee and puts the mug on the nightstand and Kate does too. "So how long do we have until you have to go in for work?" He starting to stroke her hair and gaze at her while he says this. He is completely unaware of the time.

"Well I called the precinct this morning, told them that something came up and I won't be in until after lunch." While saying this Kate unbuttons the few she had buttoned on Castle's shirt that she's wearing.

"I don't have to be in either then do I." He's looking at her undoing the buttons. He's ready to go again. He moves his head in for a kiss. He uses his hands to 'help' Kate remove his shirt. And they are doing what they were doing last night.

...

"What do you think of this one?" Kate asked Castle, it was the third shirt she tried on.

"Sexy"

"Really 'Sexy'?" She isn't happy. It's April 2 and she took off the morning so her and Castle could have more time to 'celebrate' Castle's birthday. Now she's in a hurry because they can't keep their hands and lips off each other.

"Yeah what's wrong with sexy?"

"I'm going in to room full of detectives, I don't want to wearing a 'sexy' outfit and give away that we're sleeping together."

"Relax no one is going to figure out we've been sleeping together based on what you're wearing."

"Oh really I just work in a room full of detectives. No one will notice of course."

Kate tried on another shirt, it seemed like the hundredth one she tried on. "What about this one?"

"hm." Is all Castle said. One hand was on his chin and the other folded under this arm.

"You just want to see me take off my cloths again don't you?" _Of course he does_.

"What no, I just want you to look your best."

"Sure." She nods as he pulls her into him to give her a kiss. They wrap their arms around each other. "Wow." She says in disbelief. She feels the best she has in years, maybe the best she ever has been. She looks back at Castle, "Remember Castle when we're in public you're single and I'm single, got it."

"Yes." He nods as they kiss again. "So I guess we can't ride together then can we?" _Typical Castle_.

"Ok I've got to get going." And with that they left the Kate's apartment together for the first time together as a couple.


	4. Hiding then Arguements but still Always

"So how are things with you and Castle?" Lanie asked Kate as she poured her friend a glass of wine.

"Past 2 weeks have been great." Kate told the truth. But Lanie didn't know what she meant by 'great'. She wanted to tell Lanie but she couldn't. If she told Lanie, Lanie might tell Espo who of course would open his mouth to Ryan about it and well then the whole precinct would find out. Then Gates would kick Castle out if not fire her on the spot. She had to keep it between her, Castle and Martha for the time being. "Why are you asking?"

"Kate it's been 4 years. I can't believe he's still waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Kate didn't like where this was going. Lanie had been the one trying to get her to hook up with Castle from day one.

"What do you think; the guy is crazy about you. And despite your little act you're crazy about him." _Oh Lanie you have no idea how crazy I am for him_. Kate gave the ME a stare. "Oh what, was that supposed to be some big secret?"

Kate looked at her. Her priority was she needed to keep her relationship with Castle a secret. Kate could try to deflect and deny that she was crazy about Castle. But that was pointless. Lanie knew otherwise. Lanie knew about two years ago; what really happened with Demming. And she had talked with Lanie about Castle several times over the past two years. So she decided to play dumb. "Yes." Kate hoped that Lanie would let it go. Lanie returned with the death stare which she had usually reserved for Javi. There wasn't going to be a way to get out of this conversation. "Ok, No." He certainly knew now but Kate was playing along with the lie. _If only you knew what was really going on the past 2 weeks Lanie_. Kate would love nothing more than to talk with Lanie about what was really going on (ok she'd love to be with Castle more but that was beside the point). How the past week was nightly sex at her place with Castle. Kate finally added something to try and end the topic. "So what."

Tonight Castle needed to get some writing done. He hadn't gotten so much done since he was using all his 'energy' with Kate. So Kate took the opportunity to have a girls night with Lanie, but Kate was starting to regret this. Lanie was prying a little too hard.

Lanie went on, "you remember how he used to be, girl on either arm. You really don't see that guy too much anymore do you. Why is that?" Lanie then pointed at Kate. "He's waiting for you." _He isn't waiting anymore Lanie. He's getting me, all of me_. Kate had to try and not give anything away to her close friend. "Look I know you're dealing with stuff, but you can't expect him to wait forever." _He only has to wait till tomorrow night Lanie and we'll be at it again_. Kate couldn't get the thought of being with him out of her head. "Kate what if he decides he can't wait anymore?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like he leaves one day and doesn't come back." In one sense this conversation with Lanie was a good sign. She had no clue at all what was going on. That didn't mean Kate liked lying to her best friend but there wasn't much she could do about the situation.

"He won't do that."_ The only reason he would is if Gates kicked him out_.

"You sure Kate? He's got needs that can't be kept at bay for much longer." _Lanie you have no idea for his needs and I'm sure I'm giving him all his needs._ "What if he starts picking up the girls that hit on him at his book signings like he used to?"

"Where did you hear about that?" She didn't know about this. Kate made a mental note to ask Castle about this.

"He's told Javi and Kevin about some of his exploits before he met you. Why do you think he stopped? The guy is changing for you Kate, why can't you notice?" Kate had changed for him as well.

Kate was between a rock and hard place. She couldn't tell Lanie the truth. And she had to find something to get off this subject. "What if it ends up like you and Javi?" That could end the talk and change the subject. Lanie's and Espo's breakup was still recent enough to cause tension. There was plenty of that leading up to Kevin's wedding. Kate was hoping that Lanie wouldn't what to talk about that situation so she'd give up.

But Kate wasn't so lucky. "Well at least we gave it a shot. So it didn't work out, so what. Now we can move on, give or take the occasional booty call." _Yeah I notice when Javi had a booty call the previous night_.

"I just don't want to mess things up, lose what we have." Lying to Lanie was getting harder.

"Girl please what do you have?"

Kate took a little bit to come up a response. "A connection." That wasn't a lie. Yeah they had a connection alright. Especially in her bed, they connected quite 'well' in her bed.

"No what you and Castle have is a holding pattern. How long are you gonna wait before the fuel runs out?" _We aren't waiting anymore Lanie, I wish I could tell you_.

So Kate just decided to play the delay card then, "I'm not ready yet Lanie, ok. Can you give me some time on this issue?" What Kate was really saying was 'I'm not ready to tell you about the amazing sex we're having Lanie' but the ME had no clue of the true meaning.

There was a pause before Lanie spoke up. "Kate he's not going to wait much longer." Then both their cells rang. A dead female was found at a SRO motel. Kate was relieved that this was going to end. Lanie was going to be there too and knowing Lanie she'd be harping on their conversation.

...

That case was interesting. The team was joined by an inspector from Scotland Yard, Colin Hunt. Kate and Castle agreed that she should kind of flirt with him to throw the boys off. Kate had a hard time doing that even with Castle on board it. Glancing at her lover's face made it worthwhile though, seeing Castle jealous even though there was NO threat made her happy on some level. After the case was done Colin had asked Kate 'for a drink' but she knew otherwise. She teased Castle with it when they were back at her place.

Overall the next weeks things were going great. Kate had some trial prep. That meant that Castle wasn't in the precinct at all, which the boys asked all the time if she missed him. Castle used that time constructively to get some writing done. However Castle spent almost every evening at her place, before getting home in time to keep Alexis off track of their relationship. Kate was happy that Martha had done well in keeping their secret and helping keep Alexis from getting suspicious. If Alexis got suspicious and, god forbid, talked to Lanie about it then it wouldn't be long before Javi was asking Castle about what he was doing. And that couldn't end well. But somehow after almost a month together only 3 people counting themselves knew about their relationship. Which was good. Kate didn't want things to change at all.

However things were about to change.

It was May and Alexis was graduating in three days. She was having trouble with her Valedictorian speech. There was dead body in an alley which Kate had called in for Castle to join them. In the walk up they were discussing it, "Of course you don't know why she's having trouble, you were the kind of guy that had nothing on but boxers on underneath."

"That is so insulting. If you must know I was naked underneath." That was typical Castle. The man Kate had come to love and share her desires with.

"Oh, I stand corrected." They just smiled at each other. "So how is the father of the graduate taking it?" Kate and Castle had never really made plans more than a few days in advance. She didn't know what he was doing.

"Well Alexis is heading off to an all nighter and Mother is going to Hamptons to celebrate and relax. I was thinking of having some company over." He looked at her. This was a little of a coded message.

"And who is this company?" She was playing along so that no one would overhear them.

"Someone very dear to me." That was code for her.

"Sounds nice, what time are you planning to start?"

"Around 8pm." She had been invited to the loft several times before. His birthday last month was one such example. This was the first time he had invited her to his place, as just the two of them. No Martha, No Alexis, No anybody else, just the two of them.

"That's nice." Which was her code that she planned on being there. They had worked some things out so that the boys wouldn't catch on. Which so far had appeared to work.

At that moment they walked up to the crime scene and that began the change in things to come.

...

There was a knock at the door. Kate opened and there was Castle. "Come in." She was happy to see him. "I just got off the phone with Esposito. The killer was using a key chain. And he matched it to Eastway Car Rental."

"That could be any one of a thousand cars."

"I know it's a needle in a haystack but at least it's a haystack. And they keep most of their licenses on file." She was excited. She was getting close to the person behind all this. To be able to put it all behind her. Be able to move on with Castle. Be more with Castle.

"Kate-" Castle said looking at her in a disappointed kind of way.

"Yeah, he's probably using a fake ID, but we should be able to narrow it down from there." They had his face. Javi and Kevin where going through licenses in the morning. They were about to get him.

Castle wasn't on the same page tough. "KATE!" He raised his voice to interject. And then he moved between her and the murder board she had on her mom's case in her apartment.

"What's wrong?" she was confused at his body language at the time. _We're so close Castle. Putting this to rest and then we can move forward together._

_"_You, um" he collected himself and cleared his throat before moving on, "You have to stop. This investigation. You- you have to stop"

"Castle we talked about this. I'm fine. I'm in control." She reached to grab his shoulder at the time. To comfort his fears.

He shrugged it off though. "No you're not. They are and if you don't stop, they will kill you, Kate." Kate had didn't have an inkling what he was talking about. So she asked him.

"What are you talking about?"

Castle's response shocked Kate. "Before Montgomery went into that hanger, he sent a package to someone. Someone he trusted." _What the hell are you talking about Castle?_ He continued "It contained information damaging to the person behind all this. Montgomery was trying to protect you." Kate was so confused by this. "But the package didn't arrive until after you had been shot. Montgomery's friend struck a deal with them. If they left you alone, that package and the information inside would never see the light of day. But they made one condition. You had to back off. And that's the reason you're alive, Kate. Because you stopped."

"How do you know this?" She had to know. _Where did Castle come across this information? Had he just been contacted?_

Castle looked down. He didn't look directly at her to deliver her the next piece of information. What he said next put serious strain on their relationship, "In order for the deal to work, someone had to make sure you weren't pursuing it."

Kate could only muster a whisper, like the air had been taken out of her lungs. "Are you a part of this?" _Could he?_ Could the man she had been making love to be keeping valuable information from her?

Then Castle's next words hit her like a truck. "I was just trying to keep you safe."

She had to step away after that. She went into the adjoining room. She was angry. "You were lying to me about the most important thing in my life." Putting the people behind her mother's death away was the driving force in her life. Getting justice for her mother was why she became a cop, Castle knew this.

"That lie was the only that was protecting you." _The Hell it was Castle_

Kate is royally pissed off by this. "Castle, I didn't need protection. I needed a lead. And you sat on it for a year. Now, who is this person? How do I find him?" Getting to this so called friend of her former captain was now of great concern to her.

Castle gave his vague description of this John Doe. "He's … a voice on the phone. He's a shadow in a parking garage."

"You met with him?" his reaction is a giveaway that he has. "How do you know he's not behind my mom's murder? How do you know that he's not involved and how the hell could you do this?"

Using the mind is not going to persuade Kate. Castle can see this so he tries to use the one thing left. Use the Heart. "Because I love you." That is all he can muster. "And I couldn't bare the thought of losing you again. What if he's telling the truth Kate?"

"Are you kidding me? You actually believe this man who you don't know?"

"Look Kate listen to me."

Kate doesn't want to hear anymore of this. "Listen to you. Why should I listen to you?" She was done listening to him. "How am I supposed to believe anything you said after you've betrayed my trust again. For all I know you were holding this to try sleep with me. Why should I believe anything you've ever said?" She's basically yelling out loud at his point. Her frustration of her partner and lover withholding vital info on her mother's murder had boiled over.

"How can you believe me?" Now Castle is mad at her, "Because of everything we've been through together!" He goes on. "Four years I've been right here. Four years I've been through the good and the bad _for you_. I've been there for you, Kate. And don't you dare think I was holding onto this to sleep with you. I waited for YOU. I held onto this to protect you from yourself." He's yelling back at her. Now he collects himself a little bit to say the next line in a more even tone. "Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face. Because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met. And I love you Kate. And if you feel the same way, truly feel the same way about me, if you meant those words when you told me, just don't do this." He bore his soul for her, but his pleading would go on deaf ears.

"If I feel the same way Castle? How can I feel the same way when you lie to me and cut a deal for my life like I was a child. It's my life. Mine. You don't get to decide."

Castle responded with his stance "You keep going with this? They're going to decide. They're going to come for you, Kate."

"Let them come!" Kate was in the rabbit hole now. "They sent Coonan and he is dead. They sent Lockwood and he is dead and I am still here, Castle! And I am ready."

_"_Ready for what?" Castle is dumbfounded as Kate walks past him back to the murder board. She's going to start to work on the case again. "To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore, Kate. They've turned it into a war."

Kate was ready for that, she looked forward to it. "If they want a war then I will bring them a war. Straight to their doorsteps."

Castle can't take it anymore, he's broken by Kate's words. "Well then I guess there's just nothing I can say, is there?" _NO there is not Castle. It's my life, my choice. NOT yours. My mother deserves justice._ "Okay, um… Yeah, you're right, Kate. It's your life. You can throw it away if you want but I'm not going to stick around and watch you so this is um… over. I'm done." He walks to do door. He leaves. At that moment Kate thought that was end of their relationship.

...

Rick was mingling with the rest of Marlowe Prep parents and families after his daughter's graduation. He was very proud of his daughter's speech and many of the fellow people had told him so. Though there was some one here Rick wasn't his daughter to talk so much with. Alexis' mother was here. And Meredith was basically standing right next to Alexis the whole time saying how proud she was of her daughter to each person who came up to congratulate the valedictorian.

Meredith had asked Rick consistently over the past 2 months to 'celebrate' their daughter's Graduation together. Rick knew what she really meant by celebrate; another attempt to get into their 'top 10'. Rick didn't want anything to do with his first ex-wife today. Not after the confrontation with Kate last night.

This gave Rick time to talk with Alexis' friends that he had come to know quite well. He first went to Paige's 'table'. "Mr. Castle, nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you as well Paige." He took out his hand to shake hers. "Congratulations."

Instead of shaking it she hugged him. "Thank you Mr. Castle."

"So where are you going to college Paige?" He hadn't checked the program that had where everyone was going to school. Alexis taking only one class last semester had meant she wasn't at school all that often. And she hadn't really had friends over that much since she got the internship with Lanie. So normally Rick would have known this months ago but he didn't.

"Penn, going to Wharton business school, best in the country."

"That is what they all say, honey." Paige's mother Leslie interjected to the conversation. "Hello Mr Castle."

"Please call me Rick." he shook hands with Leslie.

"Call me Leslie then, can I talk with you for a second?"

"Sure"

They moved away from Paige's table to talk. "Rick I want to say you've been a great model for everyone in this class. All the kids love you and you've been a great parent to Alexis. I'd like to thank all the time you gave to Paige, Taylor, and Kelsey. You were really great for the girls. I know I've thanked you before but I'd like to thank you again Rick for all you've done."

"My pleasure, Leslie." It really was his pleasure. Alexis was the most important thing in his life. Now that Kate was out.

Kate. He couldn't get her out of his mind. The past month had been the best of his life. But now after last night. It was over. And he was hurt by that.

"Richard what are you sulking over." Rick turned to see his ex-wife standing right next to him. "We should be celebrating our daughter's graduation." _Another attempt to get us back into bed. Well you are direct aren't you Meredith, unlike Kate. Kate; need to get her out of my mind. _"Richard what is it, you look sad."

"Oh Meredith why aren't you with Alexis?" Rick was trying to deflect away from his mess inside his head to what was happening around them.

"Oh, Alexis wanted saw you looking down and was concerned. Since she couldn't leave her table I said I would take care of it." She grabbed his shoulder. "You sure you want to be alone tonight. I'd love to share in our daughter's joy tonight." She was direct alright.

"No Meredith I'm looking forward to a night of peace and quiet."

"Well if you change your mind, you know how to find me, Kitten." With that the ex-wife went back to their daughter's booth.

It was going to be a long night. At least he had a double feature of John Woo to drawn his sorrows. He had to get Kate out of his mind but he was having a hard time doing that. He was dreading the morning paper coming in the next few days with the Headline that 'Det. Kate Beckett killed in the line of duty' no doubt there would be several press contacting him asking about his time shadowing her for the Nikki Heat books.

He couldn't escape her. Kate had consumed his life and he wasn't going to be getting it back anytime soon. She tore his heart out several times. First when she chose Demming over him. Then with Josh. And when she didn't remember her shooting, saying that there are things better left not remembered. That hurt so much. Then being shut out for 3 months. Now things had finally appeared like they were going to work out.

Then her mother's case had come back to haunt him. He thought that it would never come up again. But it did. And now they were done. Something that had happened on a yearly basis, but they always came back stronger.

Not this time. He wanted no part in Kate's life anymore. If she couldn't see that hole she dug herself into nothing was going to help. He turned down calls from the precinct, it was probably Ryan or Esposito trying to figure out what happened between him and Kate. He wanted no part of it. He couldn't take it anymore.

He was strolling around some more. Then he saw that Meredith wasn't with Alexis so decided to talk with his daughter some. "How is it going Alexis."

"Well I love mom, I'm just glad we don't have to see her all that much."

"Yeah you've said that before."

"Dad, she keeps asking me what is up with you. Are you ok?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Well Mom said she wanted to celebrate with you and you don't want to."

"Yeah I'm not in the mood."

"Ok is that all? The only other time it seems like you and mom haven't been together when she's been in town was when you were with Gina."

"Yeah I'm fine Alexis. Don't worry about me, it's your graduation. Enjoy yourself." He gave her a smile with that.

Then Rick got a tap on the back. "Hey there Kitten you change your mind yet?" Meredith is very persistent. _A deep fried twinkie might be good right now. Wait, Rick get that out of your mind._

"No thank you, I've got my own plans." If Rick was thinking of getting together with Meredith as a rebound from Kate that wasn't a good idea and he knew it. He needed be alone tonight.

"Well ok, in the meantime can we get a family photo with the three of us."

And Meredith asked someone to take a photo of her, Alexis and Rick together. Then Rick took one of Alexis and Meredith with Meredith's phone. Then Meredith took one of Rick and Alexis. And after that Martha showed up and there was a photo with Rick, Grams and Alexis on Rick's phone. Martha and Meredith didn't get along but behaved in front of Alexis.

After a couple of hours the people the celebration ended Meredith made one last attempt to get into Rick's bed with him and he turned her down again. After they got back to the apartment Alexis got changed and Martha got her stuff and headed off to the Hamptons. Alexis left soon after for the party. At around 8:15 Alexis called and asked if things were going fine and if she should come back. It was clear she was worrying about him. He put that to rest.

"You enjoy yourself." Rick said to her over the phone. Alexis signed off with her typical 'I love you dad'. Rick ended the call with "I love you too." and he hung up. Over the next few minutes he got a phone call from Kate. He was unhappy and ignored the call. That reminded him about something, the last thing about Kate he had. He went to his 'smart' white board. And he pulled up Johanna Beckett's murder file. And he deleted it. Cutting the last ties he had to Kate.

Then the there was a knock on the door. He had no clue who it could be. He figured it might be someone from the building coming to congratulate Alexis. He also thought it could be Meredith making another pass at him._ She is very persistent and doesn't take NO for an answer_. He opened the door with a smile on his face.

When he opened the door the smile was gone and he was very upset by who was at his door. It was Kate drenched from the storm outside. She was wearing a leather jacket and jeans. She had a small pouch hanging over her shoulder. He couldn't believe she'd have the nerve to show up here looking like that. "Beckett what do you want?"

She had a one word response. "You." Immediately after she said this she moved towards him. She kissed ambushed him.

After the initial shock he pushed her back. "Castle I'm so sorry."

"Kate what are you doing?" He was holding her at arms length.

"I'm so sorry Castle. I sorry what I've put you through again." And she tried to kiss him again but he pushed her advance back this time.

"What is going on Kate? What happened?"

She looked down then she looked straight into his eyes. "He got away and I didn't care." he realized that she was talking about the man who shot her. "I almost died. And all I could think about was you." She collected herself again by taking a breath. "I was too scared to admit this to myself and too you before. But I feel the same way you do. I love you Rick." She had said that phrase before. But those times it was right before, during, or after sex. This was the first time she had said that when they were both fully clothed. She pulled the pouch that was over her shoulder and gave it to him. "I know you may not believe me but here is everything on my mother's case."

Rick was dumbfounded. He looked quickly inside the pouch and saw the files on her mom's case. She had taken down her murder board on her window and given it to him. To show him that she meant what she was saying. With Kate Beckett actions did speak a lot louder than words. He looked up at her and opened his mouth, "Kate..."

She put her right pointer and index finger over his mouth to stop him from saying anything else. "Rick you are more important to me than my mother's case." These were powerful words. The words she needed to say to him. More powerful than any 'I love you'. The words he knew symbolized something greater. Her wall was down and she was letting him in. It's what he has been fighting for four years.

There are few moments that pass then Castle loses control and stops fighting the urge to hold in what he feels. He drops the pouch on the floor. Then he uses Kate's body to slam the front door shut. And the start making out against the door. Soon his hands are on her blouse buttons. He's undoing them as fast as possible while sucking on her neck. He's about half way down when he pauses and see's Kate's bullet wound over her chest. Kate takes the time to grab his right hand with her left. She presses the back of his hand against her wound. There is a brief exhale from Kate. She opens her eyes and gives a wide loving smile to Castle. And they give a soft tender kiss. After that she takes his hand, bites her lip and leads him into his bedroom.

...

Castle wakes up abruptly the next morning. Kate isn't anywhere to be seen. Then he hears soft footsteps and she walks into his bedroom wearing one of his white dress shirts, similar to how the first morning they spent together went. She holds up a coffee mug in each hand. "Made you some coffee."

Castle has a smile on his face. The 'I just had an amazing night' smile. "So last night wasn't a dream."

"No Castle you weren't dreaming, this time either." She references the first morning they had together.

She hands him his coffee and they both drink some. He puts his down on his stand. "Kate you're on board with this right. This is 'oh I quit my job, I almost died, I'm in crisis' thing?"

"No, not for me." She's a little confused by his question.

Castle responds quickly, "Good me neither." and his smile beams at her.

"Good"

"Good" They are shaking their heads in agreement.

"But I did just quit my job and I do have the day off." She starts to unbutton his shirt on her body.

"As do I." and he continues "So what would you like to do today?"

"We watch read."

"We could watch TV."

"We could eat"

They are just playfully going back and forth while Castle helps Kate slide off his shirt. They go in for a good morning kiss to start things off but then the door opens.

"Richard I'm home." Martha Rogers calls out as she enters the loft.

"Oh god." And he rolls over and take's Kate with him. They soon get up.

"Darling we need to talk, Oh what is this?" Martha, unknown to Rick and Kate, has picked up Kate's pouch from last night with her mother's case.

"I thought you said she was in the Hamptons?"

"She was. She's not suppose to be here."

"Richard what is this?" as Martha walks into his bedroom and is startled to see Kate covered by a pillow and her son covering himself with blankets.

Kate smiles and sort of waves her hand at Martha. "Oh, Kate." and Martha gets a big smile on her face. The same smile she had when she walked in to find Kate making breakfast after Kate's place had been bombed. "Well this being Alexis' first hang over we should go to the hospital to get it checked out. After that I'll take her to the Hamptons for the weekend. I'll leave you two alone." And with that Martha drops the pouch, grabs Alexis and walks out of the Apartment.

Castle is completely embarrassed by what happens. Kate chimes in, "You know lets get dressed and have some breakfast first Castle."

"Sounds like a plan." He doesn't even turn to look at her, he's just staring off into the distance. He hasn't been this embarrassed since Alexis walked in on him and Gina.

...

Detective Ryan knocks on Beckett's door. She resigned yesterday but the person who shot her is still out there. He needs to show her something to try and protect her. He knocks on her door. And doesn't get a response. He knocks again. He's starting to get concerned so he calls her cell. After a few rings she picks up, to Ryan's relief.

"Kevin, what's up?"

"Beckett, where are you at?"

There is a pause. "Um, I'm in my apartment." That was strange to Ryan.

"Well why haven't you answered your door. I've been knocking on it."

"Oh," and Ryan thinks he hears Beckett swear but can't make it out. "Ok I'm not there."

"Beckett where are you, I need to show you something." There is brief pause and Kevin can hear Kate talking to someone in the background. "Beckett are you talking to someone? Whose there? Where are you? You ok?" Ryan didn't know if Kate was alright. _Could Maddox have gotten to her already?_

"Ryan, I'm fine." There was something off about Beckett's voice.

"You don't sound fine. Beckett where are you?"

"Ryan..." she pauses and then lets Ryan in on the truth, "look I'm at Castle's Loft, ok."

_Castle's loft? What is she doing there?_ "Why are you with Castle, I thought you two broke it off." Ryan is referring to Beckett's comment of 'Castle's off the team' from yesterday.

"You already knew?" Kate is anxious by his statement thinking Kevin means something else.

"Knew what?" Ryan asks.

There is a brief commotion in the background it sounds like she's arguing with Castle. Ryan doesn't know its Castle. He's just making a guess based on what his old Partner said. "Oh well me and Castle were talking about what happened, I came over to apologize for what happened."

Ryan is a little curious, "Beckett it sounds like you're hiding something."

"No, Ryan, I'm..." it trails off. Ryan starts to think about what she has said. _She denied being at her apartment but was at Castle's. She said I already knew. Knew what?_ Then it hits him with what she's trying to hide.

"Beckett, if you want to keep it to yourself that you spent the night at Castle's that is fine. I don't care and won't tell anyone, not even Javi or Jenny." He takes a quick breath, "look I need to show you something about Maddox, he took a picture of that person from Montgomery's wedding album. I'd like to show it to you."

"Look Ryan, I've resigned."

"I know what this case has done to you. I'm just going to come over to Castle's and show you the photo, that's it. I'm not asking you to get back involved."

"Ok see you in 20 mins or so." With that Ryan hangs up the phone.

The drive over the Castle's place is short but it takes about as long to find a place to park as it would to walk. He arrives soon thereafter and knocks on Castle's door.

Castle opens the door, "Hey Kevin, come in."

He walks in and finds Beckett sitting at the bar, having ate some brunch it looks like. He goes to stand beside her. "Hey Beckett, I know last night must have been a big deal for you." He looks over at Castle, "for the both of you. Now it's none of my business what happened and if anyone asks I'll say that you aren't together."

"Look Kevin." Castle starts up but Ryan interrupts him.

"I just want to show this photo." Ryan takes out the photo. "You know more of who Roy ran with back in the day. Do you know who this is?"

"I've never seen him before." Beckett blurts out.

"You haven't but I have." Castle says as he takes the photo. "This is the man I told you about, the one that has been keeping you safe."

...

Epilogue

From there I see the show going basically the same but with minor changes to _Cloudy with a Chance of Murder_, _Secret's Safe with Me_, _Murder he Wrote_, _Probable Cause_; that I feel be too tedious to write about, imagine Ryan knows and is toying with Espo all during _Murder He Wrote_. Hope you enjoyed this piece of AU.

Son of Zebedee

...

Author Notes: This idea instantly came to me when I saw '47 seconds' the first time around. However I felt that there have been dozen of these types of Castle doesn't hear / Kate and him talk about it. Then it hit me after season 5 what if Castle was nervous that he played super cautious and backed off that night? Kate be like 'what just happened?' and possible would talk to Dr Burke about this (ala 'Headhunters'). When I came up with the 'Dr. Phil' line is when I wanted to do this. Originally I had a Huge birthday party scene, but I felt it detracted from the story and wasn't adding much, I just added my favorite lines from Weldon. I also toyed with whether Castle would have gotten with DFT ala ex-wife #1 after the Graduation (this is always has been an interesting what if). However in the Castle universe he doesn't and I feel given what happens there would apply to these circumstances as well and he wouldn't. I also since the 'Always' fight scene played out a little different I felt Kate would show her love with Castle, in 'After the storm' she says she's walked away; now actually give him the files to show that she is serious. I always wanted Martha to walk in on them in 'After the Storm' so I figured I could have them. And thus if she walks out why would they go to Kate's Apartment. This leads into Ryan being brought into the Loop. After that well Everything plays out basically the same as in the show with minor changes. Thank you

I would like to thank alwaysx4 and wolfergirl for beta reading this. I sent out a LOT of beta requests and only those two responded. Its really hard for new people to find beta requests it seems.

Disclaimer the Show _**Castle**_ was created by Andrew Marlowe and owned by ABC / Disney if they would like me to delete this I will. I would like to thank them for the Show and all the fun I've had watching it.


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